inclusion - Speaking Up BC

Communicating with the School – Friend or Foe?

This can be tricky.

There are certain levels of advocacy. We always tend to start off slow and see how things unfold. Sometimes things resolve organically or with minimal intervention. Other times, things can turn adversarial. Building relationships with people has been an important element to advocating and building community in general. Pulling people in, instead of pushing them away.

However…. there will be times when major incidents can flip things upside down. Or, enough moderate levels of chronic discrimination make maintaining or building that relationship very difficult.

If you are reading my blog, you have probably found me through a Google search or Facebook. Chances are, you have found me because things are not going well. You may already be in the process of an external complaint system or are seriously considering it.

Communication when things get intense in schools is a different world.

Sometimes, school staff will recognize right away that the subject you want to discuss could potentially place them in hot water. They will call you instead of sending you an email.

Or sometimes it’s the opposite. They will send you a triggering email on purpose. Poking you intentionally. Wanting your elevated response to be documented.

Not all of their communication will be adversarial. Sometimes they are genuinely looking to resolve the situation and don’t want to escalate things further and so they want to meet with you in person. Sometimes we are so triggered by past negative experiences with school staff that we are automatically launched into defence or attack mode. We end up making the worst assumptions out of fear responses, from very lovely people. And I speak from experience.

On the other hand, we may truly be dealing with strategic “wolves in sheep clothing” type people. And I also speak from experience. It can be hard to weed through and figure out who wants to help and who is following instructions from the legal team. Friend or foe?

I saw a t-shirt online once and it read “Mr. Rogers didn’t prepare me for the people in my neighbourhood.” I laughed because that resonated!

When navigating the education system, there are rules on the order of who you can communicate with and how you can communicate with them.

Here are some examples of types of communication experiences:

They may tell you are not allowed to communicate with your child’s EA. (Which is true. All communication needs to go through the teacher. Some schools are more flexible about this.)
You need to first talk to your child’s teacher before you contact ______. (They have a strict hierarchy of who you talk to first and how to escalate. They also have internal rules on who the district can talk to and they need to follow an order. Be aware that if you email the district about your child’s principal, that principal will be contacted to get their side of the story, before they contact you.)
They may just ignore your email.
They may call you after you have sent an email instead of responding in writing.
They may request a meeting.
They may flat out lie to you.
They may gaslight you.
They may minimize the issues.
They may blame your child for not self-advocating.
They may distract you with irrelevant information about other topics.
They may send someone to befriend you to gather information.
They may want to de-escalate this as quickly as possible hoping the issues don’t blow up into bigger ones. (These are the trauma-informed responses. These are the ones we hope for.)

For people who are in independent schools, you need to be extra careful. Many parents sign code of conduct agreements and if you cross the line they can kick out your kid and blame it on you for breaking the contract. Some will even have in their written contract that you file an external complaint, that is reason to kick out your kid.

It’s easier to see some of the games they play in hindsight. It’s harder to recognize this stuff when you are in it and your emotions are high, and possibly feel like you are in survival mode for your child. It can be hard to trust our own judgement. Sometimes we read into things too deeply thinking we are under attack, when we are not. Sometimes we are, and our gut instincts are spot on.

There is a big difference when you are just advocating internally vs. you are costing the districts thousands of dollars in legal fees or taking up a lot of time of senior administration. It’s just good to keep our eyes wide open and reflect and pay attention to HOW they are communicating. It can be very revealing. It’s not just what they are saying and what they are doing. It’s also what they are NOT saying and what they are NOT doing that can also be revealing.

Also know, lawyers are involved way earlier than we think they are.

They may tell us that what we are doing is “inappropriate”. They may use silence. All of these are flags that we are onto something and have hit a nerve. I offer you all this blog. 5 rules on how to stay untouchable.

Having someone join you in a meeting to take notes can be very helpful. I have left meetings and wondered what on earth has just happened here. They can spin you in circles. It can be a good thing to have a support person and a witness. You will need to bring someone who isn’t a parent in the school district. Otherwise, they will claim confidentiality reasons that they can not attend.

When you email someone, and if you cc: people, those in the cc: line will not respond. If you want a response from someone, you need to stick them in the TO: line.

A great resource to find out who you need to talk to internally, the hierarchy, is in Chapter 7 of the Inclusion BC, Inclusive Education Manual.

I also recommend that you look on your school district’s website. They will likely have a parent’s code of conduct document, and/or a document on how to resolve conflict. You will need to follow that step by step.

Solution Options:

If they only want to talk on the phone, you can follow up with an email of what was discussed and ask them to clarify if you misunderstood anything.
For dealing with silence I offer you this page.
Some parents have resorted to recording phone conversations. There are laws around recording conversations. You will need to research this and stay up to date on any law changes. If they tell you in a meeting that they don’t want to be recorded, you will not be able to record them. If you are an employee wanting to record conversations at work, you are in a whole other area of law that is specific to employment and I HIGHLY recommend you consult with an employment lawyer before you go down this path.
Bring a note-taker or support person with you to meetings.
If you are making allegations against a staff member that they did something, be aware that they have every right to explain, clarify and defend themselves. They will be included in the resolution process. In all formal working structures that I am aware of, each complaint system wants you to try to resolve the issue with the person first.
If internal advocacy through the whole internal process (all the way to the top) doesn’t resolve anything, external options may be your only recourse.

For big incidents, parents/guardians are often looking for an apology. Some get it, some don’t. I wouldn’t hold your breath waiting for one. They are often advised by their lawyers never to admit to anything. Something else I saw online, “I hope you heal from the things no one apologized for”. The need for accountability can drive people through the external complaint systems. Which I don’t think is a bad thing. Filing complaints is a form of advocacy. Our experiences are included in data collection and this can lead to systemic change. School districts need to know they have external eyes on them. Letting them think they are untouchable is dangerous in my eyes.

Communication is the foundation of advocacy.

If this is an area that you need support with, I really encourage you to find an advocacy buddy, support group, request accommodations with the district if this is disability related, and/or connect with other support professionals who can help you navigate. There are non-profits offering this kind of support, but also people who do this kind of work full-time.

Parents take Ministry of Education to Court – Win for Equitable Education

This case is a fascinating read.

Parents took the Ministry of Education in Alberta to court.

Kerber v Alberta, 2025 ABKB 98

https://www.ctvnews.ca/edmonton/article/parents-take-province-to-court-over-order-keeping-some-kids-out-of-classrooms-during-strike

There are two parts that stick out to me, that I think you will all find interesting.

The Ministry trying to disconnect from their own orders they create and the labour shortage paragraph.

Let me hook you in with this line:

[152] The Charter guarantees equal access to education for all students; the corollary effect is that that the equitable principle must be applied in times of labour or resource shortages. Here, what is apparent is that there was no consideration of how the reduced resources could be redistributed among all students. It was assumed that minimal disruption to the system would result by targeting only a sub-set of students – those who use an EA. However, this approach failed to consider that non-disabled students might suffer the least amount of harm since they do not have the same disadvantages as the students with disabilities and could adapt to an at-home learning program more easily, i.e., some non-disabled students switch to at-home learning to free up more resources for complex-needs students, or some of them, to attend school in-person even with the EAs presently unavailable.

EQUITABLE PRINCIPLES MUST BE APPLIED IN TIMES OF LABOUR OR RESOURCE SHORTAGES. Woohoo! Thank you!

This case is in relation to a strike.

[1] Approximately 3,700 complex-needs students have been advised by their schools that they must continue their education programs on an at-home or a rotating in-school basis because of the strike involving support workers at Edmonton Public Schools. This situation has persisted for over five weeks.

Why?

Because…..

[7] On January 9, 2025, CUPE 3550 issued a notice that it would be going on strike as of January 13, 2025. A range of support staff, including administrative assistants, clerks, educational assistants, food preparers, interpreters, library technicians, licensed practical nurses, speech language pathology assistants, and technicians have been on strike since that date.

So the Ministry of Education in Alberta did this.

[9] On January 12, 2025, the day prior to the strike, the Minister of Education, Demetrios Nicolaides, signed Ministerial Order #002/2025. The Ministerial Order states:

I, Demetrios Nicolaides, Minister of Education, pursuant to section 4 of the In-person Learning Regulation, exempt The Board of Trustees of Edmonton School Division from the application of section 2 of the regulation to provide an in-person learning option, at the schools under its authority, to students who require an educational assistant due to complex needs where the continued attendance of those students at in-person learning may risk the health and safety of the student or other students or staff, subject to the terms and conditions in the attached Appendix.

Which means kids with complex needs are being excluded from in-person learning.

So 4 parents took the Ministry of Education to court.

[4] The Applicants, who are four complex-needs students affected by the Ministerial Order, seek an interlocutory injunction suspending the operation of the Ministerial Order or, alternatively, an exemption to the Ministerial Order, until the summary judgment or trial can be heard and determined on the Charter issue.

The Ministry of Education tried to pass the issue and blame the school district. Saying the school district didn’t have to follow the order they were just given permission to do so. (OMG! Insert huge eye roll. I actually laughed out loud when I read this!)

[26] Alberta argues that the Ministerial Order does not require the ESD to stop providing in-person learning to particular students; it merely permits the ESD to make decisions about at-home learning considering the safety of all students and staff within its schools in light of the strike action.

The court saw through that BS.

[40] While Alberta is correct that the Ministerial Order does not require any student to learn at-home, the Ministerial Order is the permissive enabling enactment that grants the ESD the authority to make decisions about which students must switch to full or partial at-home learning. Alberta is the correct party to name in this application.

So Ministries of Education across Canada, if you write discriminatory policies don’t blame the school districts for acting on them.

For those who like legal mumbo-jumbo, there are various forms of legal analysis in this decision.

The conclusion was that the parents won the injunction they were seeking.

And as mentioned before I really like this paragraph

And yes I too would like to thank these parents for bringing forward education cases under legal analysis.

[161] I wish to thank counsel for their excellent submissions.

[162] I also wish to extend my gratitude to the parties and the families for their participation in this important issue.

If you want to skip the legal analysis and just go to the conclusion at the bottom, it starts on paragraph 153. Here is some of it.

[157] The nature of the harm that the Applicants would suffer is significant.

[158] The nature of the legislation under attack is the provision of education – a fundamental service owed to all young people.

[159] The public interest lies in ensuring equitable treatment of all students during a labour shortage and a fair redistribution of available resources that does not discriminate based on a disability.

The Next Generation of Student Advocates

In the last year or so, we’ve had an increase in student advocacy throughout the BC Human Rights Tribunal Process. These students are doing things that not all adults can even bring themselves to do. Here is some hope for the future.

All of these advocates want to make some noise about their experiences. I encourage you to read their complaints in full. All four were able to experience different layers of success with their decisions.

Let’s take a look!!

Advocate #1

Vick v. Board of Education of School District No. 41 (Burnaby), 2024 BCHRT 104

[4] Ms. Vick alleges having a learning disability and other mental disabilities. She is a former student at the School District. Ms. Vick was a minor during the period when the allegations in question occurred and at the time she filed this complaint.

[5] Ms. Vick alleges generally that multiple teachers at the School District were hostile towards her for being unable to complete course work on time because of her learning disabilities and mental illnesses. She says this occurred despite the teachers knowing about her disabilities.

[15] In the August 8, 2022, complaint amendment, Ms. Vick confirmed she wanted to name the School District as the respondent in the April 6, 2022, complaint

33] Ms. Vick is seeking justice for the School District’s alleged failure to accommodate her mental disabilities. She believes her case is unique and novel in that it involves a School District service provider failing to properly accommodate her disabilities.

[31] ….Ms. Vick demonstrated her maturity regarding the existence of the Code and the Tribunal process when she filed her first complaint with the Tribunal in September 2021 and this complaint on April 6, 2022, while still a minor on both occasions.

Two complaints she has filed. Good for her. As a way to enhance her justice seeking, here is a list of her allegations against the Burnaby School District from her complaint filed in 2022.

[7] On January 1, 2018, Ms. Vick alleges a teacher sent a rude email to her mother in response to her mother’s request that Ms. Vick be accommodated for her disabilities [the January 1, 2018, Allegation].

[8] On July 1, 2019, Ms. Vick alleges a summer schoolteacher refused to provider her with any accommodations while her support teacher was on a break. She says the teacher also stood beside her desk, pressuring her to finish a test [the July 1, 2019, Allegation]

[9] On November 1, 2019, Ms. Vick alleges that she asked a teacher for an extension of time to finish an assignment, but permission was not granted until her support teacher later asked on her behalf. Later the same day, Mr. Vick alleges she was told to leave the class during a manic episode, despite not acting aggressively [the November 1, 2019, Allegation No. 1]

[10] On November 1, 2019, Ms. Vick alleges a teacher made fun of one of her disabilities by asking if she was manic in a joking and sarcastic way [the November 1, 2019, Allegation No. 2]

[11] On June 1, 2021, Ms. Vick alleges a teacher who was aware of her disabilities acted in a hostile manner when she was unable to finish her homework on time following a “mixed episode”. Ms. Vick says the teacher later told her in an email that it was not discrimination to refuse an accommodation. Finally, Ms. Vick alleges the teacher later dismissed the class 40 minutes early preventing her from doing a mandatory presentation, which resulted in her failing the class [the June 1, 2021, Allegation].

[12] On September 9, 2021, Ms. Vick filed a complaint against the Ministry of Education alleging it neglected to make reasonable adjustments in how it provided education to those with mental illnesses, including herself, which would reduce the negative effects of mental illness on education outcomes. Ms. Vick alleges teachers’ lack the training related to teaching students with mental disabilities. She also alleges teachers failed to identify children with disabilities needing to be referred for an assessment of their diagnosis. Finally, teachers failed children with mental disabilities as they did not know the options for accommodating their disabilities.

Advocate #2

Child K (by Ehmke) and another v. Queen of All Saints School and another

Here are the allegations:

(37) Child K has a chronic health condition which impacts her ability to do certain tasks in a classroom, including writing. Mrs. Ehmke alleges that, throughout grade 2, her teacher failed to provide necessary classroom accommodations to meet Child K’s disability-related needs. She says that she asked the School to provide Child K with an Individualized Education Plan [IEP], but the School took the position that Child K was not entitled to one because her needs were being met through classroom adaptations. Towards the end of the school year, Mrs. Ehmke asked the School to apply for a Ministry of Education funding designation for Child K. The School declined to pursue a designation at that time. It said that it would address the issue in the fall of 2018, when the applications to the Ministry were due.

(38) Mrs. Ehmke says that, throughout the year, Child K’s school-related anxiety was escalating because her disability-related needs were not being met. On April 24, 2018, Child K stopped attending School because of that anxiety. She never returned. The following year, Child K enrolled in a public school, where she received a Ministry designation and an IEP.

This was an anonymization decision. The child and the parent were fighting to be named and name the school. The tribunal took caution and decided to name the parent and the school, and said that when she is an adult she can decide if she wants to change her name on this decision. It is noted in the decision,

[11] In consenting to anonymize and limit publication of Child K’s name, Mrs. Ehmke is clear that her purpose is to preserve Child K’s right to choose, when she is old enough, whether to make her identity in this complaint process public to people outside their school and faith communities. Mrs. Ehmke describes Child K as a person who is “activist-minded” and is used to advocating for herself in connection with her disabilities. She says that it is not helpful for Child K to keep her disabilities invisible, and that most people within their school and faith communities are already aware of the circumstances giving rise to this complaint. These submissions are important to understand Mrs. Ehmke’s position about whether to extend anonymization orders and publication bans to other people involved in the complaint.

[12] I anonymize and order a ban on publication of Child K’s name in connection with this complaint, unless or until Child K identifies herself as a party to this complaint after she is 19 years old, in which case the publication ban will cease.

It takes a lot of bravery to break through the stigma attached to anxiety and be a role model to others. Both child and Mom have paved a path by this decision.

Advocate #3

Student (by Parent) v. School District, 2023 BCHRT 237

[2] I commend the Student for her participation in this difficult process. She gave evidence that was helpful, straightforward, and credible, and which I have relied on to decide this case. I also thank the Parent and representatives of the District for their hard work and sensitivity in presenting their respective cases.

[114] Finally – a note for the Student. It was apparent to me in this hearing that there are many caring adults invested in the Student’s wellbeing and development. She is an impressive young person with a sophisticated understanding of herself and her needs, and a Parent who is proactively equipping her with the tools she will need to continue her success into adulthood. I congratulate her on all that she has achieved, and wish her the best with what is to come.

Testifying can be intimidating and stressful for adults. She chose to speak up and talk about her experience. By doing so, this decision was written. This decision brought meaningful inquiry into the duty to accommodate and other advancements in The Code.

Advocate #4

Bigam by MacDonald v. Board of Education of School District No. 23 (Central Okanagan) and others, 2024 BCHRT 288

Given that the tribunal is always overly cautious about protecting the identity of minors, I assume that the teenager wanted to be named.

If that is true then ALL 3 advocates wanted to be named in their complaints.

Here are the allegations made by Advocate #3.

[1] Faith Bigam, who has been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis [MS], was in Grade 11 when a teacher allegedly prevented her from presenting during a school assembly at which she had been slated to speak [assembly incident]. In her complaint, she alleges that the teacher (Kathryn Lafontaine), the school principal (Kathy Weninger), and the school district discriminated against her based on mental and physical disability in the area of services contrary to s. 8 of the Human Rights Code by preventing her from speaking and by mishandling the assembly incident after it occurred. She says that because of these events, she was unable to return to school and ultimately lost out on important social and educational opportunities.

[7] According to Ms. Bigam, she was concerned that she would be bullied at George Elliot should the students there find out that she had MS. Ms. Bigam says that in Grade 11 she missed a lot of school due to health issues, which made it difficult to maintain her friendships. She says that she found it anxiety provoking to go to school. Despite these concerns, however, and with the encouragement of one of her teachers, Leslie Plummer, Ms. Bigam decided in early March 2019 to talk to the school about MS and living with MS. Ms. Bigam says: “I finally realized that it was important to me to talk about MS and to spread awareness about it in a positive way at school…” Ms. Bigam “thought it would be beneficial to the school, and to me and others like me.”

Another child and parent paving the path by exposing their complaint to the public.

**********

Learning to advocate for yourself and feeling the confidence and bravery to stand up for yourself does not come easy. Especially when you grow up in an ableist society and you are given these micro messages all day long that your rights are less than.

I can’t say how impressed I am that these four are speaking up for themselves and using their experience as examples for others to learn from and advance the human rights code. Just by having these decisions published for the public to witness and learn from is worthy advocacy. An interesting trend, they are determined to name themselves and the school districts. Is that due to anger? Justice seeking? There is so much stigma about mental health and disability and these four are pushing the boundaries on what can be talked about and not remain hidden. I wish all four of these students all the best and many many many thanks!

A Lighthouse to Those at Sea

My wish is to be a lighthouse keeper.
To be steady, strong, and free.
No matter what the weather is outside
I will always remain and be.

There are many adventurers out there
Sailing the uncharted seas
Many of whom I will never meet
But each of us holds a key

We are all pushing the boundaries
Unwilling to accept oppression
We cannot just bow our heads
And be satisfied with the concession

For the people that we fight for
Deserve a fair chance at life
They experience so much struggle
Exposed to too much strife

I keep the lighthouse burning
Steady, strong, and free
And on calm clear nights, I look out
And what oh what do I see

I see so many other lighthouses
And their keepers lighting the way
We turn the darkness into light
By refusing to go away

No matter the weather outside
Steady, strong as can be
Aligned with our integrity
We will always, always be free

“It depends…”

People want to know what navigating the human rights tribunal system is going to be like for them. If it is going to be a lot work, or how many hours they will they need to have available for them to do it.

It all depends.

It depends on what your goals are.

Do you want a settlement for your child with specific remedies for them? For example, more EA support, a new school district policy, and/or settlement money. Currently, with the complaint process, the settlement meeting option is coming before anything else. Document disclosure, applications, case conferences, etc. Those all come after if the settlement meeting didn’t bring the parties together on an agreement.

If you want to take your case to a hearing, now we are talking about a whole other level. You are going to need to self-educate yourself more.

Everyone’s experience isn’t exactly the same and their cases aren’t exactly the same. Some parents are absolutely LIVID and that anger propels them forward into action. Some people are sad about how everything has unfolded, and they just want this to be over and move on. Some people need certain things to happen in order for them to move on. I find it also depends if you are in a public school or a private school. If you have a lawyer or if you are self-representing. It depends if your child is still in the school or if you have already pulled them out. It also depends very much on the complexity of your case, and how much learning you are going to need to do. Some people fear retaliation, while others see this process as protecting their child from retaliation. It also depends on who you are as a person and how much experience you have navigating systems. Some people have already been self-representing themselves in family court and so they already know how to regulate their emotions and go through the system. Their confidence levels are higher. Some people have support systems and are already part of advocacy groups, and/or they have other forms of emotional support in place. It all depends on so many factors. Some people navigating the tribunal system have had experiences of closure and peace, feeling heard. Others have felt it didn’t bring what they were looking for and it was a waste of time. For some people it feels like a big deal to file a human rights complaint, other people don’t think anything of it, just do it, and carry on in their day. It all depends.

There are a few common themes in people who file human rights complaints, that I have seen so far.

They want change. They never want another child to experience what their child did. They want to change the education system.
They want accountability. Having these people get away with what they did, they cannot accept. Part of this, I have noticed, is that people fear that they will just keep doing what they are doing and so this does come back to point #1, and not wanting another child to have the same experience.
They want to be seen and heard. Having their child pushed off to the side, discarded as unimportant, just eats them away. Many of these parents have been receiving nothing but the silent treatment and filing a human rights complaint is a way of saying, HELLO!

Sometimes people want to know everything before they start something. Others feel it’s better to not know everything and just do it. Deal with things as they come up. For example, some people want to go to business school to learn how to start a business and some people just do it. It’s very interesting how people approach things.

What I do want to say is that you can’t depend on your experience being like someone else’s. It really can be so different depending on so many factors.

It’s impossible to predict the future. I don’t know what this experience is going to be like for you. One thing that I think is true for everyone, is that you will learn more bout yourself by navigating this system. You’ll find out where your boundary lines are, and what triggers you and moves you forward. Or, what you are willing to live with. I think there is potential for it to be an interesting journey, nonetheless. Advocacy always is.

Go Ahead…Piss me off. Good Luck with That.

This blog is about why Speaking Up BC started, why it is still ticking, and why it will ALWAYS be ticking.

100% this website exists because of how my children’s school district and their lawyers have been engaging with me. Why they think their adversarial strategy benefits them, I have no idea. I know they don’t like this website. I actually at one point thought I wanted to just shut everything down and slip away back into my old life. I actually almost deleted Speaking Up BC. And then they did something that ensured that would never happen. That is when I had it confirmed just how dirty this system really is, and for that reason, I am all in. Until my final breath.

When I think about it, they have been funding my advocacy projects and provided me with life experiences that I have been able to turn into knowledge and lived experience to pass along to all of you. Pain into purpose. All of the content of this website is because of them and how they chose to engage with me. Feel free to send them flowers.

If they did the exact opposite of everything they have been doing, I guarantee you, all the complaints I have filed would never have happened. This website would never exist. The HR decisions never would have been. P.A.T.H. would never have been created, and clearly P.A.T.H. needs to exist for a very long time. They have provided me with ample evidence.

Not only do I have decisions, yup 3 decisions, from the BC Human Rights Tribunal, each with its own gems, benefiting parents’ advocacy. (All paid for by the school district, hundreds of thousands of dollars.) But I have learned so much and have become the advocate I am today because of their “training program”. It’s been a world I have been able to learn and study from that I never would have had access to if they decided to be human and resolve things with me, instead of fighting me. They have now become predictable to me, and that is glorious.

I am not the same person I was 5.5 years ago. My emotional regulation skills are now at such a higher level. I have been able to sharpen my skills with all the experience. What they thought would break me, has actually built me. Now I’ll send flowers.

There are parents that are crossing their fingers that the lawyers just keep pissing me off, waiting for more content. More fence testing opportunities.

The birth of this website was at a time when I was pushed to my limits. Each time I think I reach a limit, I find out…actually, I can keep going. And I am growing, and still growing. When all of this started I was an emotional mess. I look back at emails from the beginning, and oh my word. I wonder who is this person who wrote this ridiculousness. Work. Rest. Grow. Repeat.

This website is because I want parents to benefit from everything that I have gone through. I want to give people as much information as possible. I don’t want any parent to feel that lost or desperate for information, not even for 5 min.

This website has grown into quite the beast. I started out having zero people reading my website with a handful of people reading my blogs. But over the years it has been growing. The stats on this website still shock me…and make me giggle. (hee, hee)

My blogs get posted, and depending on the topic, can reach around 1,500 page views of that blog in just 24 hours and the numbers just climb over the next few days. Even on days of no blogging, my stats are high. Over the last 4 years, they are consistently climbing, with almost 100,000 page views. Almost 20,000 thousand people have been accessing this site.

It’s not just parent(s)/guardians contacting me for help. It’s employees, parents advocating in healthcare and community services, and high school STUDENTS asking for help.

So, let me state the obvious. To the school districts and the 4 most commonly used law firms representing the school districts….when you piss off mama bears, and poke them and fight them, these mama bears go searching, and when they do go searching, they find this website and they will find their community. I already know there are parents out there quoting my website content. Save yourselves and your district a lot of taxpayer’s money and stress, and try working with people and not against them. eh?

I had a reporter from CBC in Ontario contact me and she said I am the only parent that she can find in Canada with a website about this kind of education information. I was like…that can’t be true, seriously? And she said yup, the only parent I can find. The sheer volume of blogs I have written creates a lot of search terms that make it easier for people to find me. I don’t know how the algorithms work but there are a TON of people finding me just off of Google searches. I have people all over Canada contacting me.

For parents who want to blog and start sharing their own experiences, whether it be about the medical field or education, any tips and tricks that you learn navigating the system, there is a very good chance you will have an audience who will benefit. I can’t tell you the number of people who have reached out to me and thanked me for my website.

For the people who are interested in elevating their advocacy to a wider audience…

You can do this too! I really encourage people in other provinces to start this kind of information that is specific to your own provincial systems. We are all dealing with similar things and have similar complaint avenues, but they aren’t exactly the same. In Ontario, the Teacher’s College actually gives parents the teacher’s submissions and they have a specific department for the human rights tribunal for education matters.

Websites can cost a couple hundred a year to maintain. You can create them through WordPress. I had zero training and just figured things out as I went along. You can YouTube on how to create websites. Speaking Up BC is certainly not a fancy design. It’s literally just a template on WordPress.

If you start up a website, send me your link. I’ll start up a parent website page with everyone’s site. We can be like a big spiderweb and all link together.

I just caution people to be very thoughtful about what they put on their website and to not name anyone, and to be aware of defamation. Know the difference between allegations (accusations before proven in court/tribunal) vs. facts proven in court/tribunal. But all of those things that you learn along the way, that lived experience. That is gold! Capture that!

You can also start up a YouTube channel for free! Social media pages! Facebook pages/groups!

I have found in the last 5.5 years I have bounced all over the place in terms of my emotions, from times of forgiveness and healing, to dipping back into anger and sheer disappointment in the system and with the people who are choosing to follow along and treat parents in this way.

I remember when I first started the human rights tribunal process their response to the complaint had me running on anger. I was determined to do a hearing but also wondered how I was going to have it in me to pull that off. The good thing about the tribunal process is that it takes years to get to a hearing. You won’t be the same person in those years. You will have opportunities to sharpen your skills. To grow and learn. Not only mentally with learning things but emotionally as a person.

During my process, there have been times when I have benefited from reaching out to counselling services to help emotionally manage everything. Rhodes College has students from their counselling program that you can access Affordable Counselling which was around $25 per hour or even less, when I accessed it years ago.

I now work in a profession where I navigate the human rights tribunal as my career and help people with their human rights issues, full-time. I love it!

I think a big part of my success in navigating these systems has been because I am completely willing to fall flat on my face and push into unknown territory. I just don’t care if I fail. There are always gems of goodness in “failure”. Is it ever really a failure? It’s just a step really. Part of the process of getting really good at something.

So, you know what? Go ahead…piss me off. Good luck with that.

It’s all just gas in my gas tank.

This website will be available forever. I even joked with my husband that I want it put in my will that our children are required to pay for the domain name to keep this going. HA!

One thing I learned through this process is to trust myself. I have more in me than I even realized. I can do hard things. I can learn. I can grow.

I am not the only one.

School districts and their lawyers will always underestimate parent(s)/guardians. We don’t need to underestimate ourselves.

There are lots of us who are navigating these systems and they are turning into fine-tuned advocacy machines. Some are writing books, starting businesses, starting non-profit organizations (BCEdAccess, Dyslexia BC, InspireFASD, ADHD Society) leading DPACs, advocating in the media, and making career changes to enter the education system.

So, you know what? Go ahead… piss us off! Good luck with that.

Settlement & Mediation Information

Here is some settlement and mediation information.

Fact Sheet from the BC Human Rights Clinic on settlement and mediation

https://bchrc.net/…/FACT-SHEET-Mediations-and…

Guide to Settlement Meetings from the BC HRT (BC Human Rights Tribunal)

https://www.bchrt.bc.ca/law…/guides/settlement-meeting

How to Prepare for Settlement Talks

https://www.bchrt.bc.ca/…/prepare-for-settlement-talks

Mediation policy and mediation process from the BC HRT https://www.bchrt.bc.ca/law-library/policies/mediation/

If there is no settlement resolution, the respondents may decide to file a dismissal application if they feel they have made you a reasonable offer. https://www.bchrt.bc.ca/law…/guides/dismissal-apps/da-7/

Settlement amounts have been noted by the BC HRT in decisions that settlement amounts are increasing. Just because they may apply, doesn’t automatically mean they will be able to force you to accept the amount. Their offer needs to be in the reasonable range of what the tribunal would award you. See this case below.

Bahrami Ghahnavieh v. SolidCAD, A Cansel Company, 2024 BCHRT 226

https://www.canlii.org/…/2024bchrt226/2024bchrt226.html

[33] However, I accept that the trend in Tribunal awards for injury to dignity is upwards…

[38] In the circumstances of the complaint, I find that SolidCAD’s offer of $4000 to Ms. Bahrami Ghahnavieh for injury to dignity is not within the reasonable range of what the Tribunal might order if Ms. Bahrami Ghahnavieh is successful at the hearing on merits. For these reasons, I deny SolidCAD’s application to dismiss the complaint.

The only person that can give you an idea of what would be reasonable based on the context of your complaint would be a lawyer.

But still, like air, I’ll rise…

History is full of challenges and unfairness. It is also full of legends, advocates, activists, heroes, and system disruptors. Relentless fighters for the good.

Let us start off this week by soaking in the words of the poem I Rise by Maya Angelou. This is a video that I have watched many many times.

With so much happening right now, we need each other now even more. We need community. We need collaboration. We need friends. We need support. And so, like air, I’ll rise. We’ll rise.

I Rise

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may tread me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Mayo Angelou

Conscious Systemic Neglect

Many individuals and organizations are reading yet another comprehensive report published by the Office of Representation of Children and Youth, released today January 29th, 2025 at 11 am. In fact, as noted in this report, they have written 18 of these reports in the last 20 years (p. 15).

I have a deep appreciation for the people involved in creating these reports, as they document the underfunded systemic neglect.

We have so much evidence. Lack of awareness is not the issue.

This report outlines the consequences that people are experiencing by such an underfunded poorly designed system. Society should be shocked and appalled by this report. This system punishes people for being disabled.

I am struggling to understand why designing a system that harms families and sets them up for failure and financial ruin benefits society as a whole. The system creates years of chronic stress and is traumatizing. Legislating families into poverty and underfunding these systems is a pay now or pay later system. With high costs in other expensive reactive systems (health care, courts) and high human costs. People are sucked into the whirlpool and cannot get out.

“38 percent of caregivers report
needing mental health supports
for themselves and/or members
of their caregiving circle (e.g.,
relatives, siblings, and others living
in the home)” (p. 35)

“79 percent of caregivers reported
they either had to leave their job
or reduce their hours of work
to care for their child with a
disability, or they had to increase
their employment to pay for
the services their child needs,
pushing families into poverty and
impacting caregivers’ future career
development, mental health, and
well-being” (p.35)

Families need systems in place so they can continue to work and provide for their family and other siblings and not be depleted and drained by the system. The emotional strain families are experiencing while navigating and trying to survive through these human-made systems is unnecessary. These systems can change. Designing and maintaining a system that creates the outcomes outlined in this report is not logical, humane, or fair. It is ableist, discriminatory, and oppressive.

There are so many quotable statements in this report. It is clear that there have been years of inaction.

“In fact, a four-year review by RCY on the progress
of the Alone and Afraid recommendations, released
in 2024, found little movement by government, with
actions on some of the recommendations even
deteriorating over time.” (p. 16)

The time is NOW to start somewhere.

Thank you RCD, yet again for excellent work in this area. This is advocacy! Shining a light on those pushed into the dark.

Don’t Look Away: Issues Spotlight
Too Many Left Behind: Ensuring Children and Youth with Disabilities Thrive https://rcybc.ca/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/CYD_Final_Jan29.pdf
January 29th, 2025
Written by the Office of Representative for Children and Youth

Exclusion and the Bumpy Conversations Ahead

If this blog were a construction road sign it would say “tough but necessary conversations ahead”.

Exclusion has been brought into the front and centre of society. The media coverage has been wonderful. Thank you so much for all of the brave families who have come forward and shared their stories. We need it. A big thank you to all of the families sharing their stories with Ombudsperson. A necessary and important step in the process.

There are uncomfortable conversations that lie ahead when figuring out how to evolve the education system. We have mixed success.

There will always be that one person, or multiple people, who stands up and says something that makes our hearts sink. When you think of it, this is actually what we fought for. Embrace it. It’s going to get dirty and messy and uncomfortable, but all of this is extremely necessary in order to get where we want to get. Equity. We all need to talk about disability. The tough conversations need to happen and we need to grow as a society. Ableist beliefs are going to surface. It’s not going to be pretty.

Currently, the buzz and rumblings in the education profession is that segregation is a topic that people want to talk about. They question inclusion. They don’t think it’s really working, and we need to re-think separate classrooms. This is actually not anything new. It’s been a conversation that has been happening for a while, it’s never really left us, only whispered in the background. No one was saying it out loud, only now they are. I can understand why those working in the system doubt inclusion because, let’s be honest, our system is failing, for many people, for a very long list of reasons. They witness this failing every single day. Some people are experiencing great success. I wish we heard more of those stories. But many people are struggling immensely and experiencing great harm. Hence the exclusion investigation.

These types of hard conversations are inevitable. Human systems, specifically social issues, swing like pendulums all the time. Conservatives to Liberals back to Conservatives to back to Liberals. Human rights will increase, decrease, increase, decrease. You get the picture. Every country/society experiences the pendulum swing. It is continuous and it will never stop. Some are moving at a faster or slower rate than others. But we all swing. Humanity never stands still. We are always moving. What is that line about change? The only constant is change…something like that.

Stopping the swing would be like standing in front of Niagra Falls with a teacup, trying to stop the water from flowing. BUT, we do get a say and can advocate for how far we swing, and what it’s going to look like when that swing lands.

Re-making very old traditional systems to bend like blades of grass is going to be work. Not going to lie, this is going to require a SHIT SHIT SHIT ton of self-care, community care, and emotional regulation on our part. But it needs to happen. We need the hard parts to happen in order to arrive at where we want to arrive because it is going to take all of us. It needs to be a community effort. Sometimes things need to get really messy before they get better.

We do not want to go backwards in time. We want to move forward.

There is a group theorist who views teams that go through cycles like this, which came from my early university classes over 20 years ago. This visual has never left my mind, though his name has and I have been trying to find it with no success.

The group theory is that we all process change as a society like this.

Teams develop moving up and advancing but we cycle back and hit topics again and again but never in the same way. Never in the same spot.

This is 2025, not the 1980’s. Where would you place inclusive education on the line?

If people think that inclusion isn’t for all kids and some kids benefit from alternative learning spaces and this concept should be expanded to manage exclusion, then what forward-thinking or inclusion-thinking design are we going to create?

Because….

And yes, this is for all of you in the back.

We do not want to go back in time.

Segregated classrooms were accused of literally warehousing people. Making sure students were physically alive at the end of the day. Schools are not mini prisons. Or at least they shouldn’t be. In fairness, EA’s who currently work in the system, have said that even with “inclusion” they still feel like they are babysitting and the students they are supporting aren’t learning anything without explicit pull-out instruction. In the study done by Fraser and Shields (2010) they report that students mainstreamed in classrooms have been “treated as ghosts (virtually ignored), guests (respected but not integrated) or pets (cosseted and pampered) (p. 10).

In 2025, what COULD inclusive education evolve to look like?

Separate classrooms do bring up knee-jerk reaction fear in me. I wonder if people will use this as a loophole to not try as hard. To not invest in professional development. Will we go back to specialist teachers and not insist on disability education for all new and incoming teachers? Some communities need specialist teachers. The Deaf community is an excellent example. If Deaf schools didn’t exist they would lose their language and culture. We can never let that happen. Dyslexic advocates have been screaming for pull-out education time for remediation. It’s never all or nothing for everyone.

Everything in life is on a spectrum. Everything. Sexuality, personality traits, mental health, gender, humour, height, weight, cognition processing, neurodivergent thinking, disability, etc, etc, etc, We are all a natural part of human variation. No one is a mistake. You just literally need to find yourself where you fit on the multiple spectrums that all combined to make up who you are, and I guarantee you, there is a group of really cool people waiting for you.

We cannot have a system that is binary in thinking and design. It’s either this or that.

Humanity doesn’t work like that. We don’t. It’s very interesting to me that we are a species that cannot be compartmentalized and yet this is how our brain works. We need to compartmentalize everything in order to mentally understand things. How ironic is that? Our brains are wired to root for the underdog and absolutely need fairness, yet life is never fair. It leaves us in a constant state of continuous dissatisfaction that propels us forward to have our needs met.

Having systems that force people into binary groups, will not work.

So here come some really bumpy conversations.

If you are reading this blog and you are not a part of the disability community and think you are immune to the discussion of accessibility, oh phew this topic doesn’t impact me, I can promise you, that you are not.

The reality is, that you and your children are one car accident or one medical emergency away from needing an accessible inclusive equitable society.

So, let’s get cracking folks!

Fraser, F.G., & Shields, C.M (2010). Leader’s roles in disrupting dominant discourses and promoting inclusion. In. A.L. Edmunds & R. B Macmillian (Eds.). Leadership for inclusion: A practical guide (pp.7-18) Rotterdame: Sense Publishers.

Tag: inclusion