Tag: Advocacy

The Scary Parent

To get us into the spooky spirit this week I present…

A true scary school tale in advocacy called The Scary Parent.

(I highly recommend you read this blog in the dark with a flashlight…or better yet, sneak into your kids fort and read it in there.)

I love spy movies.

Information is so valuable. People risk their lives for it.  The power people have because of information cannot be underestimated.  Information is knowledge and knowledge is POWER.

So, parents…what’s our power?

We know A LOT of information. (Insert evil laugh track)

We know A LOT.

There are Facebook groups out there where parents share stories, tips, resources and yes…education advocacy information.

This is terrifying news to school districts.

In these Facebook groups, policies are shared, laws and cases get posted, advocacy tips are offered and email examples are suggested. It’s pure group synergy.

There is only one rule about the Facebook group.

We don’t talk about the Facebook group.

Kidding…WE TALK ABOUT IT A LOT. (Rewind evil laugh track and press play again)

Now, here is the scary part. Not for the parents….the districts. We are invisible. They will never know if the parent walking into their office is a secret member, or not. If they have access to over 4,000 passionate parents. We travel incognito.  We are right in front of their eyes, and they don’t…even…know…it! (Feel free to make scary faces right now using your flashlight to heighten the scary blog affect.)

Here is the best part…

We are growing. Oh no!!! They say!

The scariest parent to the district, is an educated one. I am talking about being educated in how to navigate THE SYSTEM.

THE SYSTEM is a beast. It only responds to policy, law and complaints filed with external organizations.  

So, parents….

Go ahead.

Be that scary motherfucker you always wanted to be. Make THAT Facebook post. You go ahead and you fill out that intake form like nobodies’ business.

And then….

press…..

SEND.

The Non-Death Loss for Parents of Disabled Children in Education, All Over this Province

Do you ever just get so tired of walking through the verbal minefield when talking to some school administration? It can be so exhausting. I came out of one meeting and wondered what in the world just happened in there???

Sometimes I feel like I have been taken by some scammer.

Or I just donated to some fraud non-profit organization?

What exotic trip did I just sign up for?

I think we should show up to our meetings with a court reporter.

Set up cameras like in those crime interrogation documentaries.

We’ll all show up in outfits like we just telephoned into The Matrix. Neo, we’re in.

All kidding aside, if you have a serious meeting ahead…drink your coffee before you attend. You’ll need to be on the ball.

Not all levels of advocacy reach this kind of intensity, but if and when they do…you’re not alone.

What emotionally hits me is that when my kids started kindergarten and I remember those visual memories of them entering the classroom for the first time, all of the emotions of your kids growing up, attending their first day of school…NEVER, never, ever did I ever in a million years, think I would end up in the position to be emailing lawyers. Never!

And yet…here I am.

There is a sadness to that. A non-death loss. We lose the innocence and naivety that parents of non-disabled children experience. We know exactly how oppressive the system is. There is grief around that. Why can’t I think public education is sunshine and lollipops too?

Do you take the red pill or blue pill? Do you find out about the reality of public education or do you live in blissful ignorance? If you have a child with a disability, you don’t get a choice. It’s made for you.

I was a secretary at a couple of schools and it was amazing to me, how many parents of non-disabled children didn’t even know the name of their child’s teacher. Seriously.

I on other hand, can recite school legislation, explain the difference between Ministry of Education policy and the Human Rights Code, and define the loopholes in a variety of external complaint processes.

This isn’t what I thought it was going to be like. 

This is a loss that needs to be validated. The loss of innocence.

I am not the only one.

To the parent in the Facebook group who coined the term PTSD – “Post Traumatic School Disorder”. That’s a good one!

5 stages of grieving.

Denial – “Oh the system isn’t that bad…we must just be having a rough year. They aren’t ignoring my emails, they just are really busy.”

Anger – “What the #$@% is going on here, is this for real!?!?”

Bargaining – “I just want to have an honest conversation; I’ll even sign an NDA”

Depression – “What’s the point. Things will never change.”

Acceptance. – “I don’t care, I am filing anyways. Every little bit helps.”

Focusing on the negativity of everything is going to get us nowhere. However, toxic positivity and not even acknowledging the pain isn’t healthy either.

How many parents have gone through the stages of grief? Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. What stage are you in?

Let’s sit here together and acknowledge what this feels like.

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IEP Meetings in Public Education

Tis the season…

For some people there are four seasons in the year. For parents of children with disabilities we have a fifth season. It’s called IEP season.

An IEP is a lifeline to your child’s education. IEP stands for Individual Education Plan. The IEP has been undergoing some changes in recent years and the role of what inclusion means for all children has been evolving due to very passionate education advocates with very high disability literacy skills.

We live in a social stratification system. That means that our social structure is layered, a hierarchy, like bricks layered to form a wall. The layer you are in, will dictate your access in life. Not everyone has equal access to information, choices, safety, health care, education, relationships, etc. The list is a long one. Social stratification is almost universal, in all cultures. Those who have privileges don’t really notice it. It is weightless. The people who are not part of the privileged layers do feel it. It’s felt every single day. Heavy.  Taking up space in society when you are not part of societies cookie cutter pop out shape, can feel like a protest.  Advocacy is a part of daily life.

Parents play a key role in their child’s education. Ableism is blended into our society and chasing the dream of true inclusion in the classroom is often a dream that parents spend years chasing. The expectation of inclusion and anti-ableism is changing.  Parents and students have had enough of being excluded from the classroom, either physically, mentally or emotionally.  The struggles are real. There are wonderful stories out there and there are also horror stories.  The pandemic has brought to light the inequities of society even more and the inequities in education are no different.  To say this year has been stressful for many families with children who have disabilities is an understatement, while other children have flourished with the adaptive distant learning options.

It starts with the IEP, and in May and June, IEP meetings are all a buzz to review the year.  Emotions are high and advocates are in full swing. For those of you who are busy getting ready for this year’s seasonal planning, your advocacy efforts are a puzzle piece of a much larger picture.  You may not realize that your individual fight for your child’s rights to access an education, are part of a larger cause. The movement is growing. Anti-ableism is part of the diversity movement, and the movement is building, one IEP meeting at a time.